Why Your Team Sucks 2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
Some people are fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs.
This 2. 01. 7 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here. Your team: Tampa Bay Bucs. Your 2. 01. 6 record: 9- 7. In those seven losses, the Bucs gave up nearly five touchdowns a game. Derek Carr hung 5. Raiders committed 2. Download Central Intelligence (2016) Hd more.
The Rams hung 3. 7 on them somehow. This is a rough estimate, but 9. Tavon Austin’s total receiving yards last year came against the Bucs. But please keep telling me that this is an up- and- coming defense. This team still starts Chris Conte. During real games, no less! Your coach: Dirk Koetter.
InformationWeek.com: News, analysis and research for business technology professionals, plus peer-to-peer knowledge sharing. Engage with our community. Some people are fans of the Tennessee Titans. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tennessee Titans. This 2017 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the.
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I don’t think I’m going to forget how.” Well actually, Dirk, in your NFL career your teams have had a winning percentage below . So it’s not that you’ve forgotten how to call plays, but rather the fact that you never learned how to call them to begin with.
By the way, the Bucs were this season’s designated Hard Knocks victim. Let’s see what kind of EXCLUSIVE ACCESS we’ve been given into Koetter and his coaching methods. Christ. Honestly, it’s like they just draw slogans out of a hat every year. Your quarterback: Congratulations, Jameis Winston! Your sexual battery case was finally dismissed after reaching an undisclosed settlement with your accuser!
Finally, you can put this whole ordeal behind you. What a hardship it must have been. Now Jameis is free to be a “leader” who “absorbs the playbook like a sponge” and “routinely commits turnovers that belong in silent comedies”: Every time I gotta read some horseshit about Jameis’s uncommon maturity and growth as a passer, it’s like people completely forget that, at least once a game, he will take the snap and proceed to re- enact every Nordberg scene from The Naked Gun. By the way, Jameis has been the showcase star of this season’s Hard Knocks.
Here he is killing a cockroach while it’s mating: Technically, that’s ALSO sexual assault. And here he is acting like Taylor Swift in the front row of an award show: I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that Jameis Winston may not be the most genuine (or mature) fellow in the world. Fresh off beating the rap, he had the balls to lecture a group of schoolgirls about being silent, polite, and gentle. Fuck his phony ass with a pirate flag. Thankfully, the Bucs imported a MENTOR to help him become 5.
That’s right. It’s Harvard Man, in the flesh! I could be dead in the ground 5. I swear that Ryan Fitzpatrick could still be holding down an NFL roster spot for no reason whatsoever. This team now has not one, but TWO Harvard grads on the roster. I swooooon at the potential for elevated sideline discourse.
Just sipping some Gatorade and discussing the impact on South China Sea trade routes should a preemptive strike in North Korea take place . Yes, after trading up to draft Roberto Aguayo in the second round, the Bucs had to cut him and replace him with Nick Folk. That’s what you get for FSU- ifying half the roster. No one should ever let this team forget about the Aguayo draft bust. This was already one of the worst picks in draft history before they released the poor bastard. They should put a monument to the trade next to the stadium bathroom.
GM Jason Licht should have to walk around with a sandwich board that says I TOOK A KICKER IN THE SECOND ROUND LIKE A MORON all day long.“I’m owning up to it by releasing him. It was a bold move and it didn’t work out. I don’t know what else to say.” “Bold” isn’t the word I’d use there, amigo. Elsewhere on the roster, De. Sean Jackson is here!
On paper, the arrival of Jackson and absolute stud TE OJ Howard (drafted to replace the drunk driver they originally had at that slot) make the Bucs one of the best young passing teams in football. But, as someone who has watched De.
Sean Jackson over the years, I can assure you that every accidental fumble Winston makes is one that Jackson can make deliberately. Doug Martin was suspended for the first four games for Adderall, and will be suspended four more after he beats my ass for screaming MUSCLE HAMSTER at him from a nearby balcony. Mike Evans drops passes as swiftly as he drops visible Anthem protests. One of the linemen dined and dashed on a five- figure club tab. What has always sucked: Miko Grimes claimed that she deliberately got her husband cut in Miami so he could come to Tampa.
You played yourself, lady. Only an idiot would scheme to leave the glistening shores of South Beach to go to live in the middle of a Dog the Bounty Hunter fancon. She must have thought she could avoid the tax man there. I may be biased here because a jury of Tampa tattoo artists bankrupted this site’s former company, but for real, Fuck Tampa. Tampa is the Arizona of Florida. Tampa is a seething mass of divorcees and wannabe pirates deliberately living in the cheesiest possible area.
The Bucs stadium isn’t even the most popular building on its block (that honor goes to Mons Venus). There’s a reason that Jon Gruden has a completely unironic love of Hooters. That’s 1. 00 percent Tampa right there. I’m surprised they don’t blare Hoobastank from air raid signals all day long. I took my family to Tampa for Spring Break once. Seagulls tried to eat our dinner every night and some lady brought an entire hi- fi system to the pool so she could play Bon Jovi.
Tampa is the worst. It’s the only city in America aiming to REDUCE mass transit. Nazis are everywhere.
Local sports teams had to give money just to get a Confederate statue taken down and it still hasn’t been taken down. A local middle school tried to sell kids a $1. The Scientologists are the most normal people there. Fuck Tampa eternally. VIVA GAWKER, MOTHERFUCKER. What might not suck: They’re good enough on offense to score 4.
Did you know? HEAR IT FROM BUCS FANS! Matthew: Robert Aguayo. Robert Aguayo. Robert Aguayo. Anton: There is nothing worse than waiting for decades for your team to get a potentially elite QB and then have him be an alleged rapist. Who tells groups of young girls they need to shut up and let the men lead. Alex: Fuck Josh Freeman.
Joseph: In two season Jameis will be the Bucs all=time leader in passing yards, surpassing Vinny fucking Testaverde. Jeb Lund: The problem with Why Your Team Sucks is that, every year, I strive to think of something uniquely bad about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, some suck- property that grounds the team athletically and geographically in a characteristic awfulness that other people can point to and say, “I get why thisteam blows.”But I’m starting to think that’s misguided, like writing a negative review of a flat, sad Big Mac.
It’s a mediocrity expected, universal and unenlightening, as dissatisfying as you want it to be, assuming you need to buy it at all. Apart from the pirate ship, Raymond James Stadium is unlovely in the way most stadiums are unlovely. It’s not exiled to some featureless exurban hinterland, but it’s not in a downtown core accessible to walking or convenient public transportation.
Before games, the neighborhood food carts and stalls are all pleasantly above average; afterward, the hassle of finding a way to get to something else to do is what you’d expect. Are the owners soulless profiteers using the NFL revenue stream to underwrite more exciting pursuits while relying on die- hard, underserved suckers?
Does this distinguish them from most NFL owners? A Bucs fan gets grifted like everybody else. Dirk Koetter seems like every other NFL coach without a defining malignancy or singular gift—destined to answer the future announcer trivia question, “What coach last led the Bucs to the postseason?” with, “They lost in the Wild Card to Atlanta/Dallas/Green Bay/etc.” He’s Steve Mariucci with the chance to become Dennis Green.
The Uncanny Sound Illusion That Creates Suspense in Christopher Nolan's Movies. Ever notice how Christopher Nolan’s movies (Interstellar, Inception, The Prestige) feel like an anxiety attack? Well, maybe that’s overstating things a bit. But the director does have a knack for creating an unnerving degree of tension.
Turns out he’s using a little bit of musical magic to do it. The magic is actually a science- based audio illusion called a Shepard tone. Named after psychologist Roger Shepard, a pioneer in our understanding of spatial relation, the effect sounds like an infinitely ascending or descending scale. The tones are constantly moving upwards or downwards, but they never seem to reach a pinnacle or nadir. This is accomplished by stacking scales on top of each other—typically one treble scale, one midrange, and one bass—with an octave in between, then playing them in a continuous loop.
A Shepard tone is sometimes referred to as the barber pole of sound. You can even see the similarity, when you hear it and look at the spectrum view of a Shepard tone. Don’t listen to this too long, or you might lose your mind: Anyways, Christopher Nolan just loves this. With longtime collaborator Hans Zimmer, the acclaimed director has used a Shepard tone in almost every one of his films in the last decade. He even writes his scripts to match the effect. In a recent interview, Nolan explained how he used Shepard tones in his newest film, Dunkirk: The screenplay had been written according to musical principals. There’s an audio illusion, if you will, in music called a “Shepard tone” and with my composer David Julyan on “The Prestige” we explored that and based a lot of the score around that.
And it’s an illusion where there’s a continuing ascension of tone. It’s a corkscrew effect.
It’s always going up and up and up but it never goes outside of its range. And I wrote the script according to that principle. I interwove the three timelines in such a way that there’s a continual feeling of intensity.
Increasing intensity. So I wanted to build the music on similar mathematical principals.
Knowing this, you gain a deeper understanding of films like Interstellar, Inception, and The Prestige. It also explains why these films seem somehow inconclusive. A Shepard’s tone creates a conflict that can’t be resolved, just like Nolan’s plots.